What a unique season this has been for me; and for my family, for that matter. We have walked through waters that we were not ever expecting nor ready for, well, by the world’s standards we weren’t ready. We were ready in a different way, because that is the only way we have been able to get through.

In recent weeks, I have found myself returning to teachings that I found myself under during the early years of my faith. Back in 2016, I was invited to take part in a weekend event called Become Good Soil. This was a follow-up to my time at Wild at Heart the previous year and was a more intimate gathering of men. This weekend was a starting point for what would be and has been a decade plus of excavation. A time to commit to allowing God to continue to excavate the deepest parts of our hearts that have not gone well or were maybe atrophied and allow God to work in that space to rebuild us with solid roots or a solid foundation.

Now, nearly a decade later, I have found myself looking at what this time has been like. There has certainly been a lot of God things that have happened. I have been blessed to lead a ministry movement, counsel and walk with many people, and build many new friendships and alliances with many like-hearted people. It was certainly a fruitful time. In recent years, it has been very different. This week will be 2 years since leading our last men’s conference, The Anvil. After my son, Brandon, died last year, and then my wife, Amber, coming close to death a few months later, I found myself in a place where leading such an event would be a total disservice to the men that would come and to me. I could not lead with integrity when I was and am in the midst of such difficult times.

At the beginning of 2024, as I praying and asking God for words for the new year, the word “low seat” kept coming to my mind. At the time, I wasn’t sure what God was meaning by that, but I sat with it. I was and am in season of humbling, career wise, doing what has been necessary to make an income to support our home, while doing work as a delivery driver. It has been a necessary and humbling experience as well as a period of time to allow myself to reset. As Francis of Assisi is credited with stating, “We are to start with what is necessary, and in time we find ourselves doing what is possible, and in time and over time we will find ourselves doing what is impossible.”

So back to low seat. From a scripture standpoint, it takes me to Luke 14 where in verse 8, Jesus says, “When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down at the place of honor, since a more distinguished person than you may have been invited by the host.” Moving to verse 10-11 he says, “But when you are invited, go and sit down at the last place, so that when your host comes, he will stay to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; and then you will be honored in the presence of all who are at the table with you. For everyone who exalts himself ill be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

So why does this stick out and what does this have to do with Become Good Soil and my time there in 2016. Well, one of the teachings that I received that weekend, came in simple statement. “Take the lowest seat until God makes it impossible to do otherwise.” It’s a statement of humility. Being willing to take a step back and not be “The man,” so to speak, until God makes it impossible to stay in that place and invites you further up and further in.

For several years, even as an early believer, I was, for lack of a better term, the man. I was the one leading the movement. Getting men out of their place of comfort and challenging them to venture into frontier waters in their walk with God. As part of an ally movement of ministry leaders, I have often been referred to as a General in the movement. There has been so much good in that space, and I am thankful to have been and still be part of an alliance of Kingdom world changers.

Now, don’t  read or hear what is not being said here. This was never anything that I sought out. It was all a God thing and God was in it. If you know me, personally, and especially before I really came to faith, you will agree that leading anything like this was way outside of anything you would think I would do. Just the idea of standing in front of people and speaking, my heart would race, and I began to drip with sweat. Even sitting down in one-to-one conversations would bring such a response. I often felt very disqualified. You would never see me in such a place, willingly. When God was in the picture, it became the thing I could not help but do. It was too important, I felt, and I allowed God to train me in it. It was training by fire, so to speak.

These days, as I have sat with those words of taking the low seat, I realized that this was that time. I have had the honor to kickstart a movement, but for the season, it has been necessary to step back. It hasn’t been the season to build and move to the next event or bring things to the next level. This has not come without difficulty. I am often asked about the next event, etc. Being willing to say not yet and be comfortable with that response has taken continued practice. This also applies to my daily work, as I have been resetting doing the necessary thing to get by, while this refining continues. I don’t think it is any coincidence that this is in the same season.

Willingly stepping back is not something that comes natural to so many. For men, especially, I think we have it in us to build; to kingdom (small k) build. Sometimes we are forced to step back when those kingdoms come crumbling down, whatever that looks like for different individuals. This is all part of our refinement and the journey of becoming more as God intended us to be.

Take the lowest seat until God makes it impossible to do otherwise. Until God makes it impossible to stay in that seat. With all the trials we have endured, I have found myself asking often of God, what next? Where are you leading me and my family next? The next thing may not be the next ministry movement or returning to The Anvil weekend. I don’t know. What I do know and what I keep being reminded of is that for now, we wait. As I prayed through words for 2025, God reaffirmed that need to wait for him. I’ll share those words another time.

In the meantime, I will continue pressing forward and waiting patiently for God. I sit with a grateful heart because I know this is a part of my becoming and only God’s goodness can and will come through it all, whatever that looks like. It may not always be fun, but I will humbly embrace the low seat while I’m in it.

Now, this does not mean checking out either. I’m grateful for the community of men, locally and nationally, that I get to be connected and do life with. I’m thankful for the brothers that continue to gather around my fire pit on Tuesday evenings as we process life and sharpen one another. I grateful for the council of allies I get to stay connected with and serve with as part of the mission of going after the hearts of men. We will keep going as God’s refining continues.